What's a birthday?

What's a birthday for a young life taken away? How do those left behind make it through another 'milestone' kind of day? I have nothing new to share. I miss you. But especially on days like this, when I know we would have made plans to go to Cali Taco...and we would have had to rearrange them because of something that happened in my day or because you had something to do with friends, or family, or school. We would not have gone as planned, but if you were here at least that would be a possibility.

Now, I am left to my tears; as I am all too often when thinking of you. I think it's time I accepted that this nightmare will not end. I don't think I'm ready. I don't think I've let you go. I think the problem is that I don't want you to be gone. No one does.
My journey now is to figure out how to let you go, while holding on to the memories I have. That so many of us have.
Happy Birthday, Gabe. I remember you thinking your troubles would be over once you were nineteen. I suppose they are for you. But not for me. Not for us left to mourn you and celebrate you.
So, what is birthday for you? I hope only that you are happier now than ever you were with us. I hope that you see how much you were cared for here. I hope someday to cry tears of joy when I think of you, not only tears of heartbreak. I hope.